Story #11 - Pre-Wedding Back Pain
This story comes from an old friend of mine who asked that her name be kept confidential. My friend (let’s call her Julia) is a physiotherapist who works in spinal cord rehabilitation. In 2007 she called me a week before her wedding in a panic because her back was hurting so much. I told her my story, and referred her to Dr. Sarno’s book Healing Back Pain. A week later she did a tap-dance routine with her father at her wedding. I reconnected with her recently and interviewed her about her experience for this site:
Will Sacks at Healing From Inside (HFI): What is your name, and what do you do for a living?
Julia: My name is Julia, I’m a physiotherapist in spinal cord rehabilitation
HFI: When did your back pain start?
J: My back pain began just after starting my dream job at a spinal cord rehab hospital.
HFI: What was going on in your life at the time?
J: At the time I was still a relatively new graduate working with patients who had very recently gone through the life changing experience of spinal cord injury. They would often be looking to me as their only hope of walking again. I was also newly engaged and planning a wedding for the summer of 2007. I started to have on and off back pain for a few months that I would describe as a more vague ache, about 3/10 in intensity.
HFI: How did you feel about where you were at in your life when the back pain started?
J: I was elated to finally have this job, while at the same time feeling enormous pressure to help my patients and perform well. I was also struggling with planning my wedding; one of the biggest days of my life. Given that planning small gatherings with my closest friends brings me an abnormal amount of anxiety, planning a wedding was like my personal Stress Olympics lasting a whole year.
HFI: What did it feel like?
J: It all felt exciting but also nerve-wracking. As my wedding date neared, I started having more regular emotional breakdowns. It got to the point where I just wanted it all to be over. We even considered canceling the wedding and buying a house with the money instead.
HFI: What happened next?
J: As it happened, the week before our big day, I was finishing up with my final patient on a Friday afternoon. She was a larger woman who required moderate assistance to transfer from the therapy mat back into her wheelchair. We had been working together for months and performed this transfer many times before. I counted us in, 1,2,3, and she didn’t budge. As I started lifting she unexpectedly didn’t. I suddenly felt unbearable pain in my lower back. Working in the field that I do, the worst started going through my mind. I couldn’t move. It took about 4 physios to lay me down on the mat as tears streamed down my face (very embarrassing). My manager showed up and sent me home immediately instructing me to take entire next week off. Three more physios walked me very gingerly to the car and drove me to the doctor. There I was prescribed a dangerous dose of painkillers that left me laughing and crying on my dinning room floor before passing out until the next day.
HFI: What were your symptoms the next day?
J: The next day I was not much better off and now had visions of being wheeled down the aisle in a wheelchair borrowed from work.
HFI: What did you think had happened?
J: As my spinal cord injury rehab brain was on overdrive, I pictured my disc herniating, and at any moment ready to paralyze me for the rest of my life.
HFI: Why did you decide to read Dr. Sarno’s book?
J: I was a mess and willing to try anything. I remembered talking to a friend weeks earlier about his experience with back pain. I recalled him recommending a book that helped. In a state of panic I called him, got the name of the book, and had my husband buy it that day.
HFI: What did you think about the book before you started it?
J: I was skeptical but willing to try anything.
HFI: What did you think while you were reading it?
J: I thought I was crazy. I hoped I was crazy! At least then the cure in the book seemed a little less daunting.
HFI: What did you think after you finished it?
J: It gave me hope.
HFI: How did you apply what Dr. Sarno talks about in his book to your life at the time?
J: I tried to calm myself down and acknowledge that there were currently huge stresses in my life and that there was likely no significant trauma to my back. I tried changing my whole psychological approach to the situation. I became more positive and less scared.
HFI: What were the results (if any) in your body and in your mind?
J: I quickly started to feel less and less pain until the third day, when I was back to “normal.”
HFI: How did this experience affect your wedding?
J: I did a tap routine with my father at my wedding!
HFI: What other thoughts (if any) do you have about mind-body illness and mind-body healing since this experience?
J: Although I knew there was a huge psychological component to feeling pain, I never realized what an enormous role it could play in my own life. It is also hard to admit to yourself that maybe some of the pain your feeling is not stemming directly from a physical injury. Once I was able to grasp this concept it was quite liberating in the sense that I felt I had more control over the situation.
Thanks to Julia for sharing her story! Her’s is similar to mine in that the pain appeared during a period of high stress. Her mind manifested the pain as a defense mechanism against the intense stress brought on by her job and upcoming wedding. Once she understood that the pain wasn’t physical, she was able to deal with it.
